I'm exhausted. I recently posed a question, albeit rhetorical, "ever been so tired, you feel like you could fall over? Yeah, that's me right now." And it is. No doubt I am physically tired, but even more so I am emotionally tired. So much so that I want to curl up into a ball of nothingness and just stay there...not a good place to be.
There is no question that many of the facts of life, as they are for me right now, are the primary weights that are pulling me down. Between challenging and very long days at work, personal struggles for me as well as my dear child, and friends of my heart in crisis, it's no wonder I am weary.
But beyond the physical and emotional weariness, I am soul-weary too. A trifecta of where one does not want to be. Where there are many factors outside of my control, the last one is all on me...because I am not being still.
Stilling myself is very hard, I struggle with this constantly, and yet I know that it is this very discipline that is essential to the balance I need in my soul - every day. This is a message I hear from God all the time. Be still. This is not a mere suggestion. He must know how hard this would be since He spoke of it in the bible in Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God." My translation of these eight seemingly-simple words? Stop. Just be. I love you. You are not alone. I've got your back. Let it go. Rest in me. I'm in control.
Why is this so hard for me? And why, like so many other things I know will make me feel better, do I struggle with stilling myself regularly in a way that He can truly minister to my soul? Although I know He is always speaking to me throughout my days, most of what He wants me to hear is drowned out by the busyness of my life and my mind...I allow this.
I am getting ready to take a little road trip with friends. And beyond the fellowship time with them, the one thing I am most looking forward to is finding a place to be still, alone by myself, with God. I have had many deeply profound times with God in nature, where I have heard His voice so clearly. It is in moments like these that I am finally able to silence my mind, quiet my heart, and just...shh...listen.
The sound of silence can be incredibly restorative, especially when augmented only by free flowing water, a refreshing breeze on my face, and the beautiful melody of birds. It is during these times that my loving Father has revealed great truths and insights to me, about myself, about others, or things He has for me to do. I always come away feeling refreshed and restored. And it always, always, starts with being still.
The tears fall...the pain surfaces. Humanity breaks my heart once again. Just this week I learned that a dear sweet friend I adore heard the words from her husband that he no longer wants to be married to her. He will not change his mind. The news is stunning. Where does one go from here?
This brings up old memories for me like they are fresh. How does one endure the loss of their marriage when still in love with their mate? This defies all logic or reason. What is one to do when the decision being made is one we cannot change, though with everything in our being and all of our might, we want nothing more than to do just that?
When my life came crashing down after learning that my then husband, who I was deeply in love with, was not the man he said he was and was choosing to pull up stakes and leave me in his wake, I was devastated. That is really an understatement. My heart was wounded to the point of the worst anguish I had ever felt. Outside of the requirements for living, which were taking care of my young son and working, I was immobile. I would come home from work, care for my sweet little one, then take to my bed and not move the rest of the night. I never thought I would feel whole again. I never thought the pain would ease. I never thought I would heal. I never thought I could be a better person from having had this experience.
All of that would have remained true...except I met the ultimate Physician. I took the scrapheap of my life to the altar of the One who is the most qualified expert with such circumstances. The One who could see into my broken heart, feel my pain, and offer me the one true solution to what was ailing me...Himself.
The bible talks about the power of Jesus as the ultimate healer. Psalm 34:18: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." These may seem like mere words, but backed by the power of the Holy Spirit, they become alive and are activated in those who will believe. Acts 3:16: "By faith in the name of Jesus this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see."
So not only is this an answer for such broken-heartedness, it is the answer for such broken-heartedness. Trust Him on this, He will make good...every time. In meeting Him, and yielding myself to Him, he has taken the broken pieces and all the pain and disappointment that came with them, and formed a new life. One that contains joy despite disappointments, laughter despite pain, and hope despite undesirable circumstances.
Like me, it is often when life comes crashing down that one finally stops looking elsewhere and allows Him into the place in our hearts that only He can truly satisfy. But it does not have to be that way. Jesus is not the option to seek only when life goes horribly wrong. He stands at the ready right now! He desires to activate the power of His incredible love, healing, and peace right now into the heart of anyone who would choose to believe!
Revelation 3:20 states "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." This speaks of the desire of Christ to fellowship with you, to spend time with you, to heal you. Will you let Him? I pray you do, and I pray you choose Him before your life comes crashing down. He'll be there no matter what, but the longer you wait, the more brokenness you will bring to the altar when that day finally comes. And come it will.
Prayer of Salvation
