Stilling

I'm exhausted.  I recently posed a question, albeit rhetorical, "ever been so tired, you feel like you could fall over? Yeah, that's me right now."  And it is.  No doubt I am physically tired, but even more so I am emotionally tired.  So much so that I want to curl up into a ball of nothingness and just stay there...not a good place to be.

There is no question that many of the facts of life, as they are for me right now, are the primary weights that are pulling me down.  Between challenging and very long days at work, personal struggles for me as well as my dear child, and friends of my heart in crisis, it's no wonder I am weary.

But beyond the physical and emotional weariness, I am soul-weary too.  A trifecta of where one does not want to be.  Where there are many factors outside of my control, the last one is all on me...because I am not being still.

Stilling myself is very hard, I struggle with this constantly, and yet I know that it is this very discipline that is essential to the balance I need in my soul - every day.  This is a message I hear from God all the time.  Be still.  This is not a mere suggestion.  He must know how hard this would be since He spoke of it in the bible in Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God."  My translation of these eight seemingly-simple words?  Stop.  Just be.  I love you.  You are not alone.  I've got your back.  Let it go.  Rest in me.  I'm in control.

Why is this so hard for me?  And why, like so many other things I know will make me feel better, do I struggle with stilling myself regularly in a way that He can truly minister to my soul?  Although I know He is always speaking to me throughout my days, most of what He wants me to hear is drowned out by the busyness of my life and my mind...I allow this.

I am getting ready to take a little road trip with friends.  And beyond the fellowship time with them, the one thing I am most looking forward to is finding a place to be still, alone by myself, with God.  I have had many deeply profound times with God in nature, where I have heard His voice so clearly.  It is in moments like these that I am finally able to silence my mind, quiet my heart, and just...shh...listen. 

The sound of silence can be incredibly restorative, especially when augmented only by free flowing water, a refreshing breeze on my face, and the beautiful melody of birds.  It is during these times that my loving Father has revealed great truths and insights to me, about myself, about others, or things He has for me to do.  I always come away feeling refreshed and restored.  And it always, always, starts with being still.